I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
