Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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