ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
