Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
