idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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