So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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