i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
