Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
