Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
