He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am naked and annoyed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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