dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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