i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
