ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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