Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
