her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
