Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
