like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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