i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
