That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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