dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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