I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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