what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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