pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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