U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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