turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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