There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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