i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
