New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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