OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think i have herpe
just one?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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