SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
