Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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