no, he came in my armpit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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