I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
