Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want a musical about memes.
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