Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
