I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
