ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
