i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
