Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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