It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
