Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
