I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
