3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
