I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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