Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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