So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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