I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
