Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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