guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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