You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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