What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
