I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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