I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
