We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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