i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she peed on how many people?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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