I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
