My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
