i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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