Do you still have your period?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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