dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
