and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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