My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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