Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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