Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
