Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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