the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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