I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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