first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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