I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
