for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
