In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
