All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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