me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
