I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
