i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
