Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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