So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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