we have pet lesbian snakes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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