never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
