I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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