Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
