Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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